2010 Began with a Bang – Part 1

January is so done.

Sadly, I didn’t get to write as much as I thought.  So a review of the issues I wanted to comment on in January would be a good thing.

The year opened with news reports of a missing 16 year-old teenager from Barrie who met an older (42 year-old) woman online.  Usually it’s young girls being lured by older men; this was a different take on an all-too familiar story.  The age of consent in Canada is 16 so there was very little anyone could do here.  Fortunately, however, in Texas the age of consent is 17 and the woman was arrested as soon as she deplaned in Texas.  What’s good for the goose….

France announced legislation that would make psychological abuse a crime. We’ve long recognized the invisibility of emotional abuse, but try taking that to court.  A couple of years ago I was walking down the street I live on, a busy street in downtown Hamilton when I found myself behind a couple who were have an extremely stressful time.  He was waving his arms and spewing abuse at her; she was shrinking in her skin and trying to get away from him.   No one was paying attention, everyone was in their cars.  Except me.  I followed them down the street (at a safe distance).   It went on for two big city blocks.They stopped in the parking lot of a gas station where I went in and called the police.  I thought if a police car could just drive by, maybe he would stop his rant, give him an opportunity to just stop.  It’s not like there’s no cop cars in this neighbourhood.  Dispatch didn’t see it the same way I did.  “Is he hitting her?” was all they had to offer.  They said that unless he was hitting her, there wasn’t anything they could do.  In fact, I got the sense that Dispatch thought I should mind my own business.  Good on France.

The Cougarhood had perhaps it first fatality with the implosion of the careers of the Prime Minister of Ireland Peter Robinson and his politician wife, Iris (59) over her affair with a man 40 years her junior.  Popular culture has been playing up the cougar and her prowling ways with a light humoured wink-wink.  It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye, eh, and finds themselves secluded in a convent coming to terms with their rapacious ways.  In other cougar-related news, Carnival Cruise Lines has declined a booking for a second Cougar themed cruise, stating that there was no room for such themed events on their ships.  Families don’t take too kindly to old women poaching their young sons, I guess.  And down under in New Zealand, fur is flying over an Air New Zealand advert that plays up the cougar theme to the extreme in order to sell seats.  It didn’t go over too well with some women’s groups, rape survivors and Air New Zealand employees.  No kidding.

Next up:  Tiger’s women, passing lights and off with her veil…

What I Did Over the Holidays

January is well underway now and I haven’t written a thing.  It’s not supposed to be that way….

I’ve kept up with my bookmarks (see Happenings in the ‘Hood) over the holidays and into the new year.

I’ve also added significantly to my blogroll.  I took a virtual trip to the website Blogher and registered In the Sisterhood with the good ladies over there.  While there I perused the blogs under the heading “feminism and gender” and added those blogs that I thought fit what I’m trying to do, that is, engage in an exploration of what it means to be a woman, and among women, today.  So, have a peek at the work of some of our con-souers, an intelligent bunch of bright and brilliant feminist lights.  I’m organizing them according to currency – that is, who updates regularly (at minimum monthly) and who doesn’t.  I’m not finished yet…

On Christmas Eve, I went to the library to get some holiday reading.  It was going to be closed until after New Year, and I was off work until then and looking forward to losing myself in a couple of good books.  I was armed with a list of possibilities.  In particular, I was interested in archeology and recent developments in that field vis-à-vis women.

The beauty about history is that there is no other field, no topic, no thing that exists outside of history.  Everything has history.  So history can go anywhere.  I follow it to find out about how women lived in the past.  And at the beginning, there is archeology.  The further I look back, the more I expect to find the key to a better future.  I’m still looking.  There were two books that caught my attention:

The Invisible Sex:  Uncovering the True Roles of Women in Prehistory by J.M Adovasio, O. Sofer, and J. Page. (2007)

Archaeology and Women:  Ancient and Modern Issues edited by S. Hamilton, R. Whitehouse and K. Wright. (2007)

I’ ve added a new page:  In the Library.  I like to read and I like to buy books.  I have a library at home that is jam crammed with books, many of them I haven’t yet read, but will one day.  Maybe in my retirement.  Maybe tomorrow.

While at the library, my guy got a book for himself.  His thing is Kabbalah/Qabbala, a form of Judaic mysticism.  He reads what the rabbis wrote, so when he reads to me, it’s usually 2 or 3 rabbis talking.  I get exasperated with hearing about what the rabbis have to say all the time and have responded to him on more than one occasion:  I don’t care what the rabbis say, I’m more interested in what the rabbi’s wife says (as you can imagine, we sometimes have heated discussions about the nature and prevalence of the patriarchy).  So he found me a book.

Silencing the Queen: The Literary Histories of Shelamzion and Other Jewish Women. is a book, to quote the author, Tal Ilan “about the silencing of Jewish women from post-biblical antiquity in a long transmission process, down to our times”.   Queen Shelamzion, a 1^st century bc queen who came to the throne of Judaea upon the death of her husband, King Alexander Yannai, was the only legitimate queen in Jewish history.  Professor Ilan reviews various documents in rabbinic literature and exposes how they have been changed over time by redactors who have purposefully altered the stories of women to write them out of history, to effectively silence the queen.  I wasn’t at all familiar with Jewish history and despite what I’ve come to know about mishnah and midrashic thought through my guy, it was all rabbinic to me.  So I learned a lot.  Enough to want to write some of it down.  See my new page Women and the Word, for a collection of reviews and thoughts on women and religion.

More importantly, perhaps, it opened up a whole area of new (to me) feminist scholarship.  I just love that.  Unfortunately, perhaps, in my reading I have tended to dismiss the topic of women in religion, having renounced my own religious upbringing (Catholic) as restrictive and the Church itself as misogynistic.  But I’ve come to think that maybe it would be better to understand the roots of the religious oppression of the female principal and the denial of her heavenly body by those who believe in a male god and a literal reading of the Bible.

I came across another of her books, What’s Yours and Mine are Hers (don’t you love that title?), another history of Jewish women by Professor Ilan.  I have that out of the library right now, but I haven’t done much reading lately, having gotten back into the routine of work, eat, sleep, work etc.  But it’s next on my list of books to read.

Take care,

Before the Fall….

New page added!

I’ve added a new page to Women’s Story – Before the Fall.

This page will explore women in archeology and prehistory, so the work of Marija Gimbutas is a good place to start, although her assertion of an early matriarchal society has come under criticism since her death from archeologists who, well, don’t agree.

Toronto Women’s Bookstore

This note was forwarded to me on a list I belong to.  I’m sending it here.

If any of you are in the vicinity – stop in, browse the shelves and buy a book or two.  Small independent booksellers provide a service that you can’t find in Chapters or at Amazon.ca.  And if you’ve got time, take a moment and stop in at Good For Her and buy yourself an holiday gift for being such a good girl.

The Toronto Women’s Bookstore is in extreme danger of closing down.

I have worked there for over 6 years and it’s changed my life, as well as many of my friends lives. I am asking all of you to drop off cheques, send money, shop at the store and create your own event to help this amazing institution. Independent bookstores all over are in jeopardy, Pages has already closed down, and all of us will suffer if we don’t help TWB and other indie bookstores. Please support in any way possible. The store will be sending out a community email this week but I am taking the initiative to start generating some funds. I will be planning a fundraiser as well, with folks who would like to support. If you have any questions please email me. for more info on the store go to: www.womensbookstore.com

in solidarity rosina kazi lal/community centre

Tim Berry: A Startling Reminder of Gender Bias

Tim Berry: A Startling Reminder of Gender Bias.

So it’s true – what I’ve suspected all along.

I thought so, I wonder if that is the case when I sign m rather than my name, which is toooo long to type sometimes.  I suppose if assumptions are made…

I was reading an article written by someone with a first name whose gender wasn’t obvious to me, or others either, for the comments that were left indicated that although most thought the author was a he, there was at least one reference to she.  Maybe that was a mistake, maybe it was a mark of derogation, for this person’s comments, like many that were left, were not kind ones for the author.

It’s all about getting in the door.  Once you get in, if you’re good, life is beautiful; and even if you’re not that great, but merely competent, you will survive.

But even if you’re the best, if you don’t get in the door, no one will know.  So – you just keep banging until someone looks up and pays attention.  Or else you give up and find something else to do.  If you don’t, you’ll break your hand on the door.

Are opportunities more equal in the the cybersphere where we can hide our gender?  And this would go both ways, for men could benefit from feminine names (think Leslie) in forums typically inhabited by women.

This was true in late nineteenth century, in the early days of magazines like Ladies Home Journal and Good Housekeeping.  Advice columns written by men were regularly passed off as being women’s advice.

Do you think it makes a difference?

Women who know

I have a class on Monday nights at the Downtown Centre of the McMaster University campus, which is located at the corner of King and John, across from the John Sopinka Courthouse (which used to be the old Post Office).  My guy comes to walk me home so I look for him when I leave the building.  I couldn’t find him when I walked out so I asked one of the staff if they had seen him and she pointed across the street to the Courthouse.

My guy will talk to anyone; he has a special knack for connecting with people.  When we walk around, everyone says hi to him.  It’s really weird, sort of, how a person can make friends out of strangers.  He talks to everyone, as I said, but he uses that talent, particularly, to talk to street people, especially those with mental health challenges.  So when I saw him standing on the stairs next to a bundle of blankets, I thought, oh, he has a new friend.

He waved me over and I crossed the street to join him.  He introduced me to Dan, who was on a hunger strike for equal rights.  That’s interesting, I thought.  My guy said, listen to his story, Warmth (that’s what he calls me), so I shook his hand, introduced myself and asked him, what’s your deal?

Dan peered at me from under the brim of this baseball cap. He seemed young

Long story, short; you can see all 160 acts of abuse (as he calls them) on his blog:

His ex withheld some vital mail that caused him to fall out of the process of some sort of discrimination suit.  He wants the police to investigate, because it is against the law to tamper with someone’s mail.  They won’t.  The Attorney General doesn’t care either.  This has been going on for some time with no satisfaction to Daniel.

Apparently the issue has gotten so bad that his fiancé has been hospitalized because of the harassment (I think.  I should have read all 160 acts to the bottom – I bailed at 25….).  I’m all for a good cause, but this one seemed a little much.

The system, he says, pushes men to violence.

I’ve heard that before.  And sometimes I come close to believing it when I hear stories of women behaving badly.  And we all know that they can, behave badly, that is.  But that’s their business, I guess.  Or is it?

We women all know at least one other woman who has acted crazy in the name of “love”; who has cheated on her boyfriend or husband out of revenge; who has abused her partner with insults; who has gone out of her way to make him pay, however payment is defined.  It may be for something he did on purpose, but sometimes it’s just because of the way he is.  And she can’t accept it.

However, women can be quick to claim “victim”; we have defined it.  Women have been advocating for their beaten sisters for at least 30 years, for most of my adult life.  I was raised with this issue in the newspaper, on the news, and in the homes of my friends.  But as someone who reads stories from the past, I know that the history of domestic violence didn’t start in the 70s.

Fifty years ago, the police might very well have cautioned an abused woman that she ought to behave rather than scold the man for hitting her, never mind lay any charges.  Men didn’t get involved usually unless she was his sister, and then it was certainly a private matter, one hidden deep in the family.

This isn’t about men beating up women.  There are enough women talking about that.  Precious few men seem to care, but the women are all over this issue.

But women aren’t all over the issue of the woman who behaves badly.  No one wants to talk about her or her effect on the sisterhood.

What about those who make false accusations against men for revenge, perhaps, or some other twisted motive?  I man I know calls them “women who know”; women who know how to work the system so that it works in their favour and against the man.  A woman who knows can have a man kicked out of his house and paying child support for children that aren’t his, either biologically or legally.

Women who work in domestic violence follow a principle tenant that says:  believe the woman.  No matter what.  It comes from a long history of women not being believed.  It’s hard sometimes to do that, because somethings, sometimes, you know, you just feel, it’s not true.  And sometimes it’s not true. Sometimes the woman needs more help than she bargained for.  But she still needs help.

News – Eddie Cibrian’s Ex: “He Broke My Heart, So I Broke His Harleys” – Celebrity News – UsMagazine.com

I was in the middle of writing about just this sort of thing when I read this account online.

If he had done this to her, and then boasted about it in the press, he would have been charged.

There is no doubt that relationships are difficult to navigate, sometimes at the best of times even, but really, we all need to get over oursleves and think about the bigger picture.

Choice and what that means

I finally read this article by Sandra Tsing Loh

I Choose My Choice!

I’ve been working fulltime since September 1977.  That’s 32 years by my reckoning.  Long time.  Not all at the same place, but here and there across the country.  Mostly here.

I remember the day I realized that I would be a working woman, for it was a decision I made, not one that I fell into.  I was 12.  I used to watch the tv show, One Day at a Time.  The main character was Ann Romano, a divorced mother of two young daughters, who suddenly found herself alone after her husband left her for a younger woman.  It was a comedy, which was what caught my attention as a kid, but it appealed to my budding sense of what becoming  a women meant, and, maybe more importantly, what it meant by being a man.  It was one of my more favourite shows as a child.

What I remember thinking to myself as I watched this television show through the early 1970s, was that I could very well find myself happily married one day, but who’s to say that will last?  What if he leaves?  What will happen to me if I don’t have a job, can’t take care of myself?  I will be like Ann Romano, starting all over again.  And she wasn’t the only heroine that I saw when I looked to popular culture.  It was the beginning of skyrocketing divorce rates.  For my parent’s, it was “until death did they part” after almost 50 years together.  Television has no influence on children, eh?

Now, most of the stories that were told were success stories of women who had overcome, maybe gone to graduate school and found a new life after he left, etc, etc.  But I didn’t want to have to overcome

What is it about looking for what you get?

So, I’ve been working fulltime for 30.5 years.  I had a whole year off when my first daughter was born.  That was beautiful.  I’ve been a stay at home mother and it was fun.  Even the cleaning was easy.  Lots of time.   I read and read and read.  The other mothers were a bit off, I never felt like I fit.  Maybe because I knew I was going back to work and arranging for quality daycare was my main concern.  And I found it.  Close, convenient, my daughter loved it, and they loved her.  Children thrive in quality day care.

When my second daughter was born, 8 years later, I wasn’t so fortunate.  I went back to work after 5 months after my husband was laid off.  We ended up separating and since then it’s been work, work, work.  And good thing I can, too, because I’ve had to.

I bought Hirshmann’s book, the one that Loh refers to in her article.  My daughter picked it up from my table and took it home to read.  She’s a young professional working woman, newly married and wasn’t so taken with Hirshmann’s argument either, mainly for the same reasons as Loh.  As a social worker, she sees that not everyone enjoys the fiscal benefits of a professional job.  But she’s being working herself since she was 17, graduated from university free from debt and able to fund her own graduate education.

I’m all for choice, but choose your choice wisely.

Deloitte girl quits after sending email asking colleagues to vote on office’s most attractive men | Mail Online

Deloitte girl quits after sending email asking colleagues to vote on office’s most attractive men | Mail Online.

So -

Some women don’t get it, apparently.

‘This probably massively violates HR equal opportunities policy, but never mind! It’s all for fun and a bit of a laugh.’

The email was only intended for a small group within her office, but was quickly forwarded outside the building and within hours was being read by millions of internet users as far away as New Zealand, the USA andAustralia.

There is no privacy online.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1235129/Deloitte-girl-quits-sending-email-asking-colleagues-vote-offices-attractive-men.html#ixzz0ZPEVtncP

via Deloitte girl quits after sending email asking colleagues to vote on office’s most attractive men | Mail Online.

Michael Kimmel: Meet the Lamberts: Elizabeth and Adam Expose Sexism and Homophobia

Michael Kimmel: Meet the Lamberts: Elizabeth and Adam Expose Sexism and Homophobia.

Double standards indeed!�

There’s always a voice for supportive men in the sisterhood.

via Michael Kimmel: Meet the Lamberts: Elizabeth and Adam Expose Sexism and Homophobia.